10 Insights Into Raising Boys
RE Blogged from askmen.com
Be sure to check out askmen.com
Pointless physical activity is perfect
My brother and I once convinced his two sons and my older boy, when they were all around
the age of 10, that they really needed to build a structure out of rocks. The rocks were
on one side of a beach, but the perfect spot where the structure had to be built,
according to our sage advice, was on the other side of the beach. Each stone weighed
between 10 and 30 pounds. The boys started moving the boulders one by one, working
together to lift the heaviest ones. My brother and I set up our beach chairs midway from
the rock pile to building site. We read the paper most of the morning while the boys tired
themselves out moving rocks and then assembling a tremendous cathedral. By lunch they were
tired and happy, and my brother and I had enjoyed a peaceful morning.
Winning does matter, but less than you think
Boys
— perhaps even more than girls — put themselves under extreme pressure to perform in
school, in sports, and in social situations. They talk about it less, so the sting of
failure can run even more deeply than with girls. With boys it’s important to
emphasize the lessons to be gained from failure, instead of trying to win at all costs,
and to emphasize the development of the whole boy. Too often in our culture, boys are
pushed to become one-dimensional robots. Goodness isn’t about winning at youth
soccer or having the most friends or being the smartest kid in class; it’s also
about being kind. That’s something as a mom that you can particularly help your son
understand.
Clothes matter
I know there are way more options for dressing little girls than little boys, so the
tendency might be to just throw jeans and a t-shirt on your son and forget about it. But
you better make sure they are the right jeans and the right t-shirt. The only consistent
battle I have had with my sons is over what they wear. It matters way more to them than I
ever would have imagined. They want to look cool; they want to be comfortable (pants that
are tight but not too tight, warm and yet breathable). I do draw the line with clothes
that have already been worn two days in a row, but I don’t discount the importance
of fashion to my kindergartener.
Crowds, not so much
I have noticed that my daughter lights up when she enters a crowd, whether family or
strangers. Mass humanity is something that gives her energy. With my boys, and, frankly,
for me too, it’s the opposite. They get shy and tend to hide behind my legs. I try
to protect them from these situations and not push them beyond their limitations.
Bedtime is sacred
Because boys are so active, it’s hard to get them to sit still. The best time of
day is the 10 minutes before they go to sleep. Crawl into bed with them, read books and
hold them while they fall off to sleep. If you don’t believe in God, you will once
you have lain next to your overactive son while his body goes limp next to you, and he
ever so faintly begins to snore.