What Really Disappoints Her In Bed
RE Blogged from askmen.com
Be sure to check out askmen.com
We’ve all been there: After a fabulous romp that makes you feel like Rocky bounding
up that giant staircase, your body suddenly shuts down. Even reaching for the remote
control is out of the question, as you feel your mind slipping into blissful post-coital
dreamland. Now a new study
looks at couples where one partner tends to fall asleep immediately after sex. The
researchers suggest that there could be a psychological reason for the behavior. It seems
that where there is a sleepy post-coital partner, there tends to be another partner
longing for bonding and affection. The study’s authors,
evolutionary psychologists at the University of Michigan and Albright College in
Pennsylvania, pose the idea that falling asleep soon after sex might be an indicator that
a partner wants to avoid chats about things like commitment. A
classic intimacy-avoidance tactic, if you will. Sounds like a good theory
to me, except for one other interesting finding. There was no gender dominance to the
behavior. Yup, despite what chicks like to profess, guys are no more likely to conk out
after a lovemaking session than women are. And we all know that avoiding emotional talk
that goes deeper than “How was your day?” is a favorite male hobby.
RELATED
VIDEO: Is It OK To Fall Asleep After Sex?
The study is entitled “Tendencies To Fall Asleep First After Sex Are
Associated With Greater Partner Desires For Bonding And Affection.” Yup, straightforward
enough. It was published in the Journal of Social, Evolutionary, and Cultural
Psychology, and it examined 456 survey participants who answered online questions.
Then they responded to: “Who falls asleep after sex?” and “Who falls asleep first when
going to bed not after sex?” Those who had partners who fell into snooze-land right after
having
sex reported stronger desires for post-coital cuddling and chatting. So, here’s the Dr. Wendy take on the whole mess. First of all, anyone who reads
studies knows that the word “association” does not imply
“causation.” In other words, just because two behaviors exist together — in
this case, sleepiness and longing — doesn’t mean one causes the other or that they
are related in any way, except that they lie side by side. My knowledge
of human attachment theory shows that when one has an insecure romantic attachment style,
he/she tends to choose partners that will fulfill their most-wished for nightmare. We
recreate the familiar, even if it’s painful. This study supports that very theory. People
with insecure attachment styles — those prone to longing and anxiety related to their
intimate relationships — tend to chose post-coital snoozers. A partner falling asleep
summons up his or her own feelings of longing and abandonment. So, should
one try harder to stay awake for an insecure partner? No way. But one should definitely
talk about the subject in the bright light of morning and reassure the wakeful partner
that all is well in relationship land. Love is still in the air.